I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
