Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize