so that wasnt chicken after all
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
