my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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