my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Still dying that you shit outside
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
