Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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