guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
wow bdsm is so cute
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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