**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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