the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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