Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
