He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
