he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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