My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
