I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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