found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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