sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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