..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can you bring me the toilet please
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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