I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
