Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
