Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
