Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
