It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
