You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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