I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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