I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
