No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Found your dick twin last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
