no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
