tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize