Jerry, you need to find god
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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