just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dignity is for republicans.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There are leaves in my underwear?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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