you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
