So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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