Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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