Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
