She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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