So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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