Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
