A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
