Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
