Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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