Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
