Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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