Whod you bang
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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