Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
