Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
