Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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