u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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