I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize