he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
