so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
