I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
