This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
