Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
