Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
