I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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