I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
