We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
