I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
