the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Green mimosas i think yes
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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