We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize