no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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