Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize