nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize