After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We're too hungover to prance.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
