Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
