My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dignity is for republicans.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
