What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
