no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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