Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
