I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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