you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
