I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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