I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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