Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Is it because I queefed?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
