Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
