The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
