I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize