I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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