Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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