I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
