That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
