Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
