I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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