News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i dont even know how to be here
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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