Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
