How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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