3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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