Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
