I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
