That's intense
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
