Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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