your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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