Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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